We decide what they eat and where they eat.
They decide when and how much to eat.
When my first daughter was just starting to eat solid food, I debated with my husband on the timing of the meals and the amount we should feed her. I was the ever-worrisome "new" mother, posting feeding schedules in the kitchen and writing down what she ate, how much and when. It was then that my husband introduced the term "We decide what she eats and where she eats, she'll decide when to eat and how much". I fought that theory at first. No, no, no, there's no way I was going to let my daughter decide how much she's going to eat. I'm her mother, I set the rules, I make the decisions. That theory didn't coincide with the articles I'd read at the time describing the feeding schedule for a 6 month old.
As time went on and our family grew (in numbers), I started to revise my philosophy on feeding our kids. My husband's food rules seemed to make sense, given the fact that kids don't naturally starve themselves and forcing them to eat could lead to many food related problems down the road. I didn't want meal time to turn into a giant power struggle between us and our kids. Allowing our children to have some power over their meals at a young age teaches them to listen to their own bodies. Eat when they're hungry, stop when they're full. I thought about how my husband and I ate throughout the day and compared that to how I expected our children to consume their food. I eat three meals a day with a few snacks every now and then. My husband eats smaller proportions but snacks all day long. I broke the theory down into sections, rationalizing each point, adapting the "food rules" to fit our ideals and schedule.
WE decide WHAT they eat. As long as we purchase healthy, whole foods, the "what" isn't going to be much of a problem. We put together the meals with a variety of healthy foods, our cupboards and fridge are full of "good-for-you" options. We're not so strict as to never have chips or cheesies, they're purchased on a "sometimes, usually for a special occasion" basis.
WE decide WHERE they eat. Common sense rules on this one. They're not allowed to eat on the living room couch / chairs or anywhere in the house with carpet. That only leaves the two tables we have, the kitchen and dining room so the "where" ended up being pretty simple and self-explanatory, an easy rule for them to follow.
THEY decide WHEN to eat. This can be tricky, but doesn't have to be. My eldest is a mini-version of my husband, enjoying smaller meals but eating often. They work well that way, it's what their body wants and from what I've read recently, it's actually a very healthy way to eat. If they're hungry, they're hungry, grab a snack. All within reason, of course. If dinner is about to be put on the table, they're asked to wait. We've set our schedule to have snacks and meals on the table at reasonable times of the day to avoid the feeling of having a family restaurant in our kitchen with a revolving door.
THEY decide HOW MUCH to eat. I struggled with this one the most and we ended up making a few compromises. How could a kid survive on two olives and a pickle? (Hellooooo Ian!) We started to put out a veggie plate with every dinner and the kids have to eat something from that "middle plate" every day. At least we know that if they didn't like their dinner, they at least put something that was good for them in their tummies. If they only had a few bites of their meal, I'm OK with that. I feel as though I'm going against the norm with this one but I'm not going to force them to eat it.
I've adopted my husband's theory of feeding children and with a little tweaking every now and then, our food rules work for us. Our children are learning to control their food intake in a natural way. Hopefully they'll avoid developing a power struggle with themselves over food as they mature, but as the saying goes, "the proof is in the pudding". (or in our case, the proof is in the "middle plate")
